Traumas and repeating cycles
Many of us go around repeating patterns in our lives, meeting one new day after the other, but somehow ending up in familiar situations – for example getting in the same kind of relationships, or getting stuck in the same kind of dynamics with other people even though we wish we didn’t. This partly comes from behaviours and ideas about yourself that you learned during your life, either from what you saw around you, from what you were told, or simply from how you dealt with whatever was going on. Another part of us being stuck in certain patterns is that we effectively carry around old traumatic experiences with us in our bodies, or rather in our unconscious brain’s and nervous system’s ways of reacting to situations. We can trace this by sensing our bodies: a raised heartrate, muscle tension and holding postures, for example. Even if we feel we psychologically came to terms with events, there are often emotional and physical reactions and behaviours that we haven’t managed to free ourselves from. I work with you to reprogram those deeply wired reactions, so that you can complete or resolve those old experiences.
Noticing and changing your strategies for dealing with the world
We each developed our own strategies for dealing with the challenges or intensity that we faced in life, whether they were one-off events or situations that persisted over a longer time. Some of us learned to shut down and not show emotions, or to appear tough, strong, to prove that we’re as good as others. Others of us learned to be hyper-attentive to people around us, to try to make sure that they like and accept us or that everything stays in harmony. Some of us learned to hide, to disappear into the corner, to not say what you want or disagree.
Those strategies were what was available to us in the past, but they become deeply rooted in you, like an automatic fall-back option. They even start to create the reality around you. Not at all consciously, you seek out the situations that require you to behave in that way: being insecure and passive in a relationship, being in conflicts with colleagues, not allowing others to be close to you, being in relationships with someone who is abusive or where you aren’t treated in the way you consciously would like to be.
I work with you to notice those patterns on a physical level as well as a psychological one. We notice the way you sense or experience your body when you feel or act a certain way. Through working with body sensations, I guide you to gain a different level of control over your responses, being able to come down from a state of alarm. This enables you to be able to handle various emotional states without them slipping you over into an overwhelmed state. We find ways for you to gain more trust in yourself, to cultivate states that feel positive rather than unpleasant.
With more of a sense of trust in yourself, we can explore the emotional patterns that you are caught in. In a sense, we do this through following memories that are stored in the body. This is a useful route for accessing what is stored in the unconscious parts of your brain and nervous system, the more primitive parts that set off our survival systems of dealing with a threatening situation. I explain this much more fully in a couple of articles in the blog of this website, so click the buttons below to read more about that.